When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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