Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
