He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
