it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Are we still banned from the library?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
