no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
