Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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