How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
