I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
