You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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