Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She told me I should be a condom model.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
