my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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