You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
