awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
