is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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