And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
