1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
