So drunk its hurt
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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