I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
