Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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