I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
