I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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