I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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