what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
