Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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