I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
