Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
