i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
