Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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