Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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