No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
