new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
