are you so shy because you have an std?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize