I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
