I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
