So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
