You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
my liver is dry heaving
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
