i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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