I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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