what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
