Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
