Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
