Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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