apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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