i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
