This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
