After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize