let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
