Porn is love you can see.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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