I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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