I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
