There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
