I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
