Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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