The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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