he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
