he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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