I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
