i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
