I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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