i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize