apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
