wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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