White coat. Heels.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
