At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
