They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
