she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
