you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
