i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
