The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
