I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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