what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
