Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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