I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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