Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
