Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
