You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
