The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
