yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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