I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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