I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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