I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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