We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
