3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
