somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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