operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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