Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
