wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
