Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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