All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
