if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
