coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
