I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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