I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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