I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
