I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
