you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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