she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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