I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
