discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
