My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
