Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
