You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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