he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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