I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
